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23-Feb-2020 05:38

The feelings are less intense and don’t have much power over me because I made the choice to not let them affect me in that manner.

I think a lot of what we feel is beyond our control but how we react is very much within our realm of control and is a choice.

I think it’s important to realize no amount of ‘rules’ will protect your relationship.

Things that protect your relationship are treating each other with respect, compassion, honor, trust, communicating, autonomy but most importantly LOVE.

And watch out for others who are trying to fix/save their relationship.” “I’ve seen more than one relationship saved by poly.

I think it depends on what the problems are in the relationship.

Every person experimenting with poly who has contacted me in the middle of their biggest freakout reports back to me a week or two later that things are much better, and that the experience has brought them closer to their partner or others.

They forged the way for others, and now, we have San Francisco.

They can have other amazing lovely partners but there is only one of me.

Advice from a woman who’s been doing it for more than three years and used to have jealous freakouts galore: “My biggest advice would be this. Another man I’m dating gets more jealous than me, but has learned to deal.

I still get jealous, but it comes and then quickly leaves.” Other gems: “Rules are made to be changed. ) but be mindful of the things that hurt others and learn from them.” “Don’t try poly as a way to fix/save your current relationship.

And fuck ups & mistakes WILL happen, how you respond & resolve & learn from them is what matters.

🙂 Also when something is going wrong don’t blame the poly automatically ask yourself, if we were a traditional couple & these behaviors were happening how would I respond to them…

If the relationship has other problems, then, well, you need to fix those first.” “The biggest lesson I’ve learned in my current relationship is that it’s okay to feel jealousy; the difference in poly and traditional relationships isn’t a lack of jealousy, but how you deal with it.” “When I start to feel pangs of jealousy, my partner doesn’t get defensive; he doesn’t start trying to explain the situation into something benign; he doesn’t make me feel bad for having an unpleasant emotion.