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Which means it's both ultimatum and bluff-calling time.
So long as your husband thinks he can dictate terms by pointing to his triggers and his trauma, GMHC, he has every incentive to continue being triggered and traumatized.
Or maybe you're the wrong kind of sadist: the un-self-aware emotional sadist.
You say you love your wife, but you also say she'd be crushed—destroyed—if she discovered what you've been doing.
While people outside the relationship might perceive that as unfair—one gets to cheat, the other doesn't—what's more ideal than both halves of a couple getting just what they want?
But if an eroticized power imbalance—an honestly erotized one—doesn't turn you on, the creepily manipulative arrangement your husband is proposing certainly isn't going to work.
But almost immediately, he began talking about how he wanted to hook up with others. I feel tremendous guilt for even thinking about splitting up, so I keep hoping we'll stumble on the thing that will work for us.
I don't know what to say when he says I should be monogamous to him while he gets to hook up with others. Gay Marriage Having Crisis I've written about a few gay couples—and a few straight ones—where one half gets to hook up with others while the other half doesn't.
During therapy, my husband revealed that he was never in favor of the openness.
The tragedy is how unnecessary your choices have been.