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Women, on the other hand, usually have a mental checklist and if a guy checks off enough boxes, she’ll see him as a potential romantic partner and will begin to invest and get excited about the possibilities.
Sure, most men have a certain “type,” but they rarely go out seeking a specific set of qualities.
Why is it that the commitment and the proclamations of love and devotion only seem to come from the guys you don’t want and not the ones you do?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Are You Sabotaging Your Love Life” Quiz right now and find out if you’re sabotaging your love life, and if you need to get out of your own way…
MORE: The Number One Reason Men Suddenly Lose Interest As I said, when you have an agenda, you are engaging with the thoughts in your head, and not with the person in front of you.
A lot of the times, we convince ourselves that we like a guy just because he matches up with our dating checklist, not because we have gotten to know who he truly is at his core.
You don’t buy it because you know that, while he might be very nice and might like you very much, he is really just trying to sell you something and that is driving all his behaviors.
(If this is an issue for you I highly recommend you read my article on how to stop stressing when it comes to dating and relationships.) It doesn’t matter if you come out and ask him where things are going or if he has feelings for you, if you mentally want something from a guy (in this case, a commitment), he will know and will feel pressured.
It’s much like a car salesman who comes up to you and is all nice and jovial and seemingly interested in you as a person.
He was sexy, he was aloof, he was lost, and I had to get in there, to know what was going on in that head of his. We shared a passionate kiss and I floated home on a cloud, I could not wait for my new love to return from the West Coast. It was probably my first relationship where the levels of interest were equally reciprocated and it marked my full recovery from wanting guys who didn’t want me.
But I never heard from him again and I was distraught. But why was this such a problem for me for so long?
When you go on a quest to figure out how he feels, your fears and insecurities will inevitably get activated and this will come across.
Most mainstream dating advice focuses on how you behave when really, your vibe is what determines if a guy will be drawn to you or repelled from you.
From that point on you measure your interactions with him in terms of whether they’re getting you closer to, or further from, your ultimate goal.